pathetic excuse for a life log

to do list

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 19:10:47 GMT

- Rescue Ampeg gear and sell it
- Sell Bontempi air organ
- Sell a bunch of old, rarely listened-to CDs at Zia
- Open new bank account
- Attempt once again to contact the IRS about missing tax refund
- Clean room
- Buy plane ticket to Denver
- Pack for next two months

With -$150 dollars in the bank, obviously I need to gather as much money as possible before I leave.

hyped

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:34:08 GMT

OMG. Now I'm really hyped. I was just checking out the schedule of events the week I'm going to be in Denver and I'M EXCITED. Reclaim the Streets party?? Critical Mass??? Anti-capitalist marches??? Dead Prez and Rage Against the Machine concerts?????

I'M SO THERE.

coinciding

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:24:01 GMT

I just realized that I'll be in Denver during the DNC. Sweet. Maybe I'll get to party with the Recreate 68 people or have a Stephen Colbert sighting.

I better get my camera geared up.

one more thing

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:08:29 GMT

I forgot to mention that I'm scared as hell that I have to get ready for the rest of my life in three days.

things are getting cray-cray

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:00:31 GMT

Got a call this morning from WFP. Change of plans: The people in the Vegas office I was supposed to train with next week will be at meetings, so they want to send me to Denver on Monday for about a week before shipping me off to who-knows-where on Sept. 1 when a session of classroom-style training begins. When I leave next Monday, there is no telling when I'll be back to Vegas. I may or may not be assigned to work in Nevada for the election. If not, right after the election I start my new job where I'll be moving to either Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey, Maryland, Arizona, Washington, Oregon, or California. I won't find out about where until November (fingers crossed for the east coast), but I'm leaving Las Vegas for a long, long time.

Yes, I got a position with the PIRG, but not the fellowship. I'm going to be a campus organizer for the next year, and it's actually super sweet and progressive. I'll be organizing college students and training them to be radical activists. Well, "radical" isn't exactly in the job description, but I'm going to throw in some SDS ideology. Mwahaha. Revolution, here we come.

don't look at us

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:59:53 GMT

I think it's a little hilarious how there is so much hoopla in the media about China's "deceptive" practices during the Olympics' opening ceremony. What? That cute little girl was lip synching? Those kids representing the 60-something different cultures of China are actually from the same culture? That 16-year-old gymnast is actually 14???

Oh, come on, like that doesn't happen in American entertainment all the time. It wouldn't be a big deal if the mainstream news weren't so quick to jump at any opportunity to point fingers at the "villain" over the most inane details. Sure, China isn't so innocent over some of their more questionable civil liberties practices, but why then aren't we hearing more about the Free Tibet activists being deported or the cover up of the deaths of a couple of American tourists from two weeks ago?

exciting times

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 01:56:45 GMT

I'm leaving Vegas in three weeks. I interviewed last week for a Fellowship position with the US PIRG, and they were so impressed and so excited with my interview, they wanted to offer me a position with Work for Progress that I could start right away while they finalize their decision for the long-term position.

So for now, until the election, I will be hardcore canvassing and educating the public on pertinent election issues, mobilizing volunteers, and getting people to vote. For the next month, I will be going through some intense training around the country, and then they will locate me in a major "battle ground state" until Nov. 7. There is a chance that I will end up back in Vegas after my training, but there is just as much of a chance that I will be placed somewhere else. It is non-partisan campaigning, but all issue based. My work alone will supposedly generate 2,700 voters for this election. If I do get the position with the US PIRG (which I better if they were so darn "impressed" to want to offer me something immediately), then that will start right after the election.

I don't know where I will be going or staying or how I will get there or for how long, but it looks like I'm embarking on one big adventure.

oh dayum

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 06:41:47 GMT

Hulu started adding Food Network shows, but none of the ones I care about. Hopefully that will change soon. (Ace of Cakes! Iron Chef!)

Posting random thoughts online feels more gratifying than talking to myself like a child playing alone in her room.

flashback

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 06:34:27 GMT

I am appalled at my behavior from a couple of years ago. Who was that?!

new moon

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 22:36:27 GMT

I have a headache. And I'm miserable.

Fucking fuck fuck. Ugh.

void

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:06:35 GMT

It's frustrating. When I think about my future, I see a big, black hole at the end of August. Well, I guess that's what most people see when they look into their future because not everyone is psychic, but I'm sure at this point, people already have ideas of things they're going to be doing in September or October or the end of the year. They have jobs they plan on working at or shows they're thinking about going to. I can't even get that far. I don't know where I'm going to live in September, whether it be here or another city. It's all hanging in the air at the end of this week, after the Big L.A. Interview.

When I tell people about how I've been living like a loser lately--sleeping in all morning and staying up all night while doing nothing but reading in between--some share their envy over my lifestyle. No! It's terrible! I'm tired of the uncertainty. Sure, it was fun for the first couple of weeks, but now I almost feel like I'm wasting away. Almost. At least I'm doing a lot of reading. Oh, and there's that other thing where I'm helping to organize an entire conference this weekend to teach people about economic discrimination and why people should get involved in grassroots activism. :)

two things

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:13:54 GMT

1. If I were endowed with a superpower, it would be the ability to absorb the contents of a book by touching the cover, as if I instantaneously read and retained all the information. Knowledge is power, people.

2. Damn. I missed the National Hip Hop Political Convention last week. That sounded like fun.

life plan ver 072808

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:17:44 GMT

I've spent all day staring at admissions and requirements for top ten international affairs grad programs, and I've decided a few things today:

1. To find a sweet job in a field relatable to why I would want to even go to grad school for IA (something somewhere like U.S. PIRG, ACLU, HRW, Fund for Public Interest, etc.)

2. Keep studying for the GRE and LSAT, maybe take it this year, but not apply for grad school until next fall. I figure if I accomplish task #1, I should build my work experience for at least two years. Everything on my resume up until now has only lasted a matter of months. I need something solid, plus it would probably be a good idea to try to save money if I intend to be overly ambitious and apply to a top ten program like at Georgetown, John Hopkins, or Columbia.

3. To become proficient in a second language in the meantime. Every program I've looked at requires passing a language proficiency exam before earning the degree. Some programs require that you're already proficient in a second language before applying. Since I have about two years, I think I'm going to try to learn French (one of the working languages of the UN Secretariat) and Tagalog (because I should).

disappointment

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:54:56 GMT

I didn't get the internship.

Time to start looking for a job.

it's recreational, not...

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 20:16:06 GMT

Because I am currently unemployed, I find myself spending almost all of my time looking at stupid blogs and watching TV on Hulu. I need to...

A) Get a job
B) Find a new hobby

Well, A is kind of contingent on what news may happen by the end of the week (and really, I can't bring myself to apply at a food service/retail store or someplace lame as hell when I really could use the money now). I do have a stack of books to read and standardized grad school entrance tests to study for, but I've been thinking of all the new things I would like to learn in my spare time. I used to be crafty as a child; I don't see why I couldn't learn something new, such as...

- knitting/crocheting (I used to eons ago!)
- building/maintaining a bike
- using a sewing machine/making clothes
- how to properly use Photoshop/Illustrator
- gardening (and growing my own produce)
- speaking French/Tagalog/Spanish/Italian
- cooking something other than my trademark nutritional yeast pasta
- ballroom dancing

I'm no artist, so painting is out, and it seems like everyone is a photographer these days (it's gotten out of hand). I could start by getting out of bed before noon every morning. I've fallen into that sort of pattern.

interview

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:21:36 GMT

It wasn't as hard as I thought. Just your basic "tell me about yourself" and "what do you hope to gain from this position" sort of thing. I tried my best. Now I guess I just have to wait. She said there were a few more people she had to interview (ugh).

And I had stayed up all night trying to catch up on my DN!s and read as many press releases on HMR to figure out his policies. Dangalang.

anticipation

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:04:49 GMT

I am starting to go CRAZY waiting to hear back about this D.C. thing. I've been kind of worried that I didn't get it because it's been so long since they said they were going to make their decision, but then, I'm holding out hope because it was only a week ago that my key recommender told me that she was still playing phone tag with the internship coordinator to ask her about when she is making her final decision. Team M!

In my impatience to figure out the rest of my life, I had three nightmares, in a row, last night. The first one I dreamt that I got the internship and was excitedly telling everyone who had been waiting to hear the news. But in that dream I was aware that it was a dream, so I tried to wake myself to find out for real only to wake up into Dreamworld 2. In that one, I found out that I didn't get the internship, and in fact, lost it to this young, ditzy blonde pregnant girl who did Web broadcast news in her bedroom on the weekends but otherwise didn't have any media or political experience. I felt appalled and remember thinking, "I lost to her???"

I woke up in a stuporous panic feeling super bummed, but I was too tired to get up for the day, so I rolled over and fell back asleep. This time, I dreamt that I did get the internship, and someone was showing me my application with scores and comments from the committee. They said they were looking for someone with consistency in their documents, which was something I worried about since my letter of recommendation lauded my involvement in domestic violence activism while my work samples are from UCIR (lacking the Spanish media articles even though I mentioned it in my cover letter and resume). Minutiae, sure, but I know for a fact that one of my former PR professors is on the committee, and he's a stickler for that sort of thing.

When I told Jesse about it (still in dreamworld), he looked really apprehensive and said that it was "awkward" that I was moving to the east coast the same time as him. It made me sad and I tried to defend that we would be in completely different states.

Finally, my phone ringing in reality got me out of bed. I was going crazy in my sleep and feared that if I went back to Dreamland, I would fall back into the annoying Groundhog Day cycle.

I immediately signed on to my e-mail and sent a quick note to my voucher if she had heard any word. She got back to me a minute later saying that I'm in the semi-finals and asked if I had been contacted by anyone from Reid's office yet. I hadn't until just a minute ago when I checked my e-mail and received a request by his Nevada Deputy Press Secretary asking to meet with her tomorrow.

AGH! I'm almost in freak-out mode. My mind has been going through all the things I have to get done tonight to even feel somewhat prepared: throw together my portfolio, read Reid's autobio I just got a copy of yesterday, and go through all of his policies on his Web site in case the thing that will propitiate them to put me in the position is proving exactly how politically savvy I am. Maybe I don't necessarily have to do all of those things, but if the competition really is that tight, then I'm in to win.

::fingers crossed::

dream team at jeff & judi fest

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 01:19:38 GMT

Juawana + MT from Shelby on Vimeo.

Thanks for the vid, Shelby.

verdict

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 23:18:55 GMT

I'm supposed to find out today! Or tomorrow! I'm so nervous about it. The anticipation is killer.

life plan 07042008

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 23:50:30 GMT

Things are looking good for the D.C. internship with several strong endorsements and committee members being favorable past professors. I have my fingers crossed, but something told me that my outlook is good. So, if all goes according to plan...

- Get lame summer job (last retail/customer service job of my life, I swear!) to fundraise for moving expenses
- Maybe move my stuff with Jesse when he moves east
- Become roommates with Lowell
- Start new life

If I don't happen to get to move to D.C. (sad face)...

- Stay in Vegas
- Find full-time job
- Continue on

Exciting times! The rest of my life will be determined by next Wednesday.

I. Am. TERRIFIED.

snapshot

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 23:37:52 GMT

Current things I felt like sharing...

Reading: The Alderson Story: My Life as a Political Prisoner by Elizabeth Gurley Flynn

Listening: Old AmAnSet

Guilty Pleasure: Twilight

Doing: Cleaning my room

Done: Turned in my internship app

About to do: Go to LP practice

Hoping: That I'll get to move to D.C. this fall

Wishing: To get away from my financial woes

Trying: To catch up with the news and my "to do" list

Thinking: "What's next?"

Feeling: Hot and thirsty

Wanting: A hair cut

Hating: Advertising

Liking: Relaxing at home all day

Loving: My soft pillow

artifact 1: h.s. orchestra, junior year, circa late 2001

Wed, 28 May 2008 04:16:04 GMT

A note passed between Mary and I:

Me: I'm going to die tonight. I have 4 essays due tomorrow.

Mary: Oh! I'm really sorry! I wish I could help you, hey - you have work at what time today? Do you have lessons? Well, maybe when we're both done today, I could help you out, I'm really good at essays - what are they on?

Me: History. I have to work 6-9 p.m. I have violin 3:30-4:15 but no piano because it conflicted. So I have pretty much an hour and 1/2 before work and until 6 a.m. after.

Mary: Oh :( I really wish I could help you out :( Anyways, hey after today (maybe) me & you are going to be the only two members of our little "clique" who've been on dates :)

Me: Welcome to the Dollhouse. Maybe I'll get to do HW at work? Or will they not like that? I know some people who do it.

Mary: Not at a retail store. You have to watching (sic) all the time. You don't get a break 'cuz you're only working 3 hours but when you work 4, 5, 6+ you get breaks and you can do h/w on breaks or something.

Me: How long are breaks?

Mary: 4 hrs - 15 min, 5 hrs - 15 min, 6 hrs - 30 min, 7 - 30 min, 8 hrs - 1 hr, 9hrs - 1hr 15 min, 10 hrs - 1 hr 15 min (but thats where I work. May be different @ the Leather Zone)

Me: Okay. Cool... what if I suck at selling leather? Agh! I have a job! 6.50x3=19.50 tomorrow!

Mary: taxes so 18.00 tomorrow... lol. Hey, I'm the only person in our group who's dated an adult... lol.

Me: Ew? Well, I've been asked out by seniors before and they're adults now? And isn't 19 still teen? I think of adult as 21+.

Mary: But did you go out with them? I think of 18 as adult, seeing as I'm just now 16. Anyway I don't think I'd date 21+, that's too old 4 me.

Me: Statutory rape? Well, not anymore since you're 16. I'm going to die. Or not. I won't be too bad. I could always request for a specific day off, right? Because I know for sure I have to have Dec. 1 off. When is the orch. concert??? For this orch?? I probably can't work then, too. How did you handle it?

Mary: You have to tell them @ least 2 months in advance. If I were you, I'd wait to see what day the concerts fall on before you say you can't work, you may not work then anyway. It'll be alright. In Nevada, 15 isn't statutory as long as no one files on you.

Me: 2 months? I was just hired... What should I tell them?

Mary: Give them that today and they'll schedule you around that. Tell them you wanted to get all the conflicts out of the way before they scheduled you for anything. OH MY GOD! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO KISS! (that was totally a blurt from the back of my mind)

Me: 1. Don't kiss like you're kissing your grandma (lol! - Mary)
2. Most lips, but minimal saliva. (I had to train Skot... heh.)
3. Enjoy.
Okay, I'll figure out everything on my schedule. They wouldn't have scheduled me by now, would they?

Mary: Not for more than a week. You think he'll try to kiss me? Yeah?

Me: I think he's going to rape you... bring protection!! I suggest Trojan... or a can of mace.

Mary: He carries them on him all the time, so I'm safe. But I don''t think he'll try all that on a first date with an innocent girl like me. (How about a stun gun?)

Me: What about a .68 calibre? Heh. Loaded, of course.

Mary: I don't want to kill him! Ne way, I trust him.

Me: Okay. But I don't. Don't be surprised if I'm in the backseat... waiting... maybe Robert alone as my weapon of choice will be sufficient.

Mary: There's no room in the backseat... It's VW bug! Anyway - I think it'll turn out well. It'll be fun. :)

GAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

project clean up

Wed, 28 May 2008 01:46:24 GMT

I've finally decided to clean out my room and throw away as much as I could. Digging around through old boxes and papers that were stashed away in the back of my closet has been a complete time warp. Pictures from 8th grade orchestra. Notes passed between friends in high school. Comics and sketches I drew when I was 15. Articles I wrote for the school paper. My high school boyfriend's report card from his junior year??

I've decided to quit being a pack rat, but that's proving to be hard as I keep distracting myself from the task at hand by reading through everything and debating which artifacts from my life I really wanted to throw away... Besides, where would I keep it? In a newer box to once again be stashed in the back of my closet? Maybe I should just throw it all away. I'm probably never going to look at it again.

Or maybe I should make scrapbooks! I have way too much free time on my hands.

now what?

Mon, 19 May 2008 20:04:38 GMT

So much freedom! I don't know where to start. So many books to read and events to organize and shows to play and junk in my room/computer files/car to sort through. I suppose I could start by sending out my resume and looking for a full-time career woman job with benefits. My mom wants me to go to the dentist and get my eyes checked before my coverage under her insurance runs out (or before they find out I graduated).

Should I make a to-do list? I also feel like I need to make myself a regular weekly schedule so I don't rot away doing nothing this summer... right? Oh god, why is this hard? Maybe I should go pull out my copy of Kicking and Screaming, the old Noah Baumbach post-college freakout film from the mid-90s. I could probably relate.

It feels a little bizarre. Like I just opened some daunting 1000-page book to read. Hopefully it won't be long before I get into the new story.

update

Fri, 16 May 2008 06:58:24 GMT

I did it! Yay!